A Life of Gratitude

My Favorite 5 Weeks of the Year

We have begun my favorite time of the year.  Whether you look at it as the end of this year or the beginning of the next, the calendar spends the next five weeks offering each of us reminders of life's real meaning. 

Thanksgiving gets things started.  The fourth Thursday in November comes each year to make sure we're focused on the many blessings each of us have in our lives.  For many of us, that focus this year may be harder than ever to find.  But in 1863, our country in the middle of the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln included these words as part of his declaration of a national day of thanksgiving, a declaration that has been honored each year since:  

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God.

I believe in times as tough as we face in our country today, it is more important than ever to be thankful.  For many people like myself, we have family.  And as uncertain as our economy is today, family retains their value.  In fact, a sinking economy helps me understand the value of my wife and two wonderful boys more each day.  We have been living in a period of unimaginable abundance in our country, and I think we have been prone to forget the source from which it comes.  But each day that Katie and I have the opportunity to experience life with Elliott and Baby Ian, we know they are blessings so extraordinary in nature that they must come from God above.

We are all human.  And even the most thankful person is subject to the anxieties of the times.  So along comes Christmas, and with it - Hope.  A couple of thousand years or so ago God recognized a world headed the wrong way.  A world with little direction and little hope for a better life.  His answer was to send his Son who gave his life in order for us to understand that no matter how challenging life might become on earth, we can continue to prosper and thrive in his kingdom.  As Christmas rolls around this year, I hope the reminder of hope rings louder than it ever has.

And finally, as the last second of the calendar year ticks away, New Year's Day arrives.  A day built into the calendar each year to provide us an opportunity for a fresh start.  Full of hope and thankfulness, we are armed to tackle the new year with a healthy perspective.  Many of us do just that.  Some of us successful, some of us not.  But whatever the case, the best five weeks of the year will soon roll around again, assuring us one more reminder of what is really important.

We've certainly needed the reminder in our house the last few days.  On Thanksgiving day, just as we were headed to grandma and grandpa's house for dinner, Elliott got sick.  The poor guy threw up and fell into an all day slumber in my lap.  Katie and Ian went on without us and enjoyed the festivities.  Then yesterday, Katie took Ian to the doctor.  The doctor was concerned that Ian had a respiratory infection, so he had him admitted to the hospital.  Thankfully, the doctors who observed him last night felt he was well enough to go home today.  We are grateful we didn't have to endure the extended stay we went through with Elliott, who had a similar issue when he was two months old.  

There was one very positive sign with Ian.  His weight is up to 9lb 5ozs., which is over two pounds more than he weighed when he left the hospital after his birth.  

Elliott's photo album has been updated. 

72 Hours and Counting

It has been 72 hours since Elliott received his first haircut. In that time, there has not been one improper use of a pronoun thrown his way. No she, no her. It is early I know, but operation "He is a boy and he has a haircut to prove it" has been successful.

We put the operation to a true test this past Sunday when we went up town to the Ashland Holiday Parade. The streets were lined with people who had plenty of opportunity to issue a false identification - but no one did. That allowed Elliott to focus on the parade. He enjoyed seeing the clowns, the fire trucks, all of the entries that passed out candy and Santa Clause. He doesn't know that we pulled a fast one on him regarding Santa. We were cold from an hour of standing in the chilly air and worried that it might be too much for Ian. The end of the parade where the 'real Santa' was riding was nowhere near. Like a gift from God, we conveniently spotted an old car approaching with a Santa puppet riding along. "Look Elliott, here comes Santa," I shouted with excitement. "Santa Clause," Elliott shouted back. With that it was official, we had seen the man we came to see.  Elliott sang Ho Ho Ho as we made the long walk home.

Ian was a much bigger attraction than Elliott on this day. Some of it came from the cold and sane people wondering why on earth we had that little baby outside on such a chilly day.  There were moments I considered our own lack of sanity as the answer.  Most though were just sucked in by the magnetic force babies begin discharging the moment they arrive on earth.  I saw it at church Sunday.  We took Ian for his first service.  He did well, but about half way through it, and I don't know that it had anything particular to do with the content of the message, his diaper inflated in the palm of my hand.  I took him to the bathroom and changed him as quickly as I could.  The change was fast and efficient, but the whole process got him upset so we stood in the lobby for awhile afterward to calm him down.  Dozens of folks waiting for the next service provided me unexpected assistance soothing Ian.  They were willing to hold him, rock him, rub his head, shake his tiny hands, rub his feet and to a person declare him the cutest baby they had ever seen, which if taken at their word, means Elliott no longer owns that title.  

There is something about babies that brings out the best in people.  I think we are taken in by the innocence (although none of Ian's admirers were there to change the diaper).  I guess the world would be a better place if we all maintained the innocence of our infancy.  Human nature makes that impossible for all but one of us who have walked this earth.  But I do wonder if babies naturally lose their magnetism as they grow older, or does a world too often uninterested in those around them eat it away.  I think I'll try to remember that people are impacted by a kind word or simple acknowledgment more as adults than they ever were as babies.

Be sure to check out the updated photos in Elliott and Ians photo albums.

A Haircut to Eliminate All Questions

 

When Elliott appeared the other day sporting his mother's hat, I'm thankful I was no longer sitting on the tall fence of indecision about getting the boy a haircut, because this snapshot would have undoubtedly caused me to jump.  The truth is, we had made the decision earlier in the week to get his hair cut today.  I took Elliott to the park last Sunday where we ran into another father spending some time with his daughter.  His little girl joined Elliott at the top of the playground slide and the father, concerned his daughter would try to jump ahead of Elliott for a turn, told her to "let him go first".  Then he did a double take and quickly apologized.  "I'm sorry, I mean her," he said.  Now Elliott has been confused on many occasions for a girl.  But this man actually studied Elliott pretty close and upon further review, he determined he was a she.  It was at that moment a haircut became a part of Elliott's immediate future.

So Katie went to work finding a place that could give our boy his first trim.  She found a salon that specialized in children's haircuts, especially a tot's first cut.  They had cars and planes and trains and endless other transportation simulators that the kids sat in for what to them must seem like major surgery.  They had DVD players at every station and the walls were covered with cartoon characters familiar to every kid who came through the doors.  When adults have surgery, we are numbed or put to sleep to endure the procedure.  With kids, you just use a heavy dose of diversion. 

I had hopes the environment would actually work to make the experience empty of trauma for both Elliott and mama.  No such luck.  If the haircut had been given on the set of "A Nightmare on Elm Street" with Freddie Kruger himself running around with bloodied weapons in hand, the moment would have been no more horrific.  Elliott was seated high off the ground in a jet airplane.  He doesn't like his feet off the ground, much like his dad, so that was a bad place to start.  Then came the gown.  Then came unfamiliar machinery vibrating against his head.  Add in he has the emotional stamina of boy who isn't yet two and you have all the ingredients for a toddler sized disaster.

Mom struggled watching her little baby's curls removed, the last strands of denial left to aid us in pretending our baby wouldn't grow up.  As his locks and mama's tears fell to the floor, a little boy slowly appeared in that jet.  For me, I saw all signs of girl fade just as fast as the traces of baby.  And for that, this day brought me nothing but joy.  Don't get me wrong, I love girls, I just don't want my little boy to be one.

Be sure to check out the haircut photo album to see all the day's action.

Being an "Experienced" Parent Takes Some of the Edge Off

We gave Ian his first bath last night.  I remember the nightmare that was Elliott's first bath.  I thought he was drowning.  My mother-in-law was there at the time and I remember finding it odd, if not troubling, that she was smiling through the entire experience.  Given the situation, I thought it might be more productive for her to go fetch a throw rope or a life jacket for our poor boy, or at the very minimum, dial 911.

I now know that was just a smile that comes with experience.  She knew then what I would come to know, that Elliott would one day love his bath time.  Today when you say it's bath time, Elliott sprints down the hall in excitement, his little upper body as stiff as a small branch and his legs rolling like a bowling ball headed for a strike.  Having been blessed with the opportunity to witness this transformation in Elliott, I myself could smile a bit last night when I watched Ian struggle.  I know one day soon I will treasure the many hours of night time splashing with Ian as much as I currently do my time with Elliott.

Today was Katie's first day at home alone with Ian.  I'm sure some of that same "experience" effect took the edge of the day off of her.  They both looked well rested when Elliott and I got home tonight.  Some of the looks of that were probably deceiving, but they are both doing great.  We thank God that he has helped see us all back to healthy conditions and pray that he'll  guide us as we continue to gain experience.

Let Me Teach You The Important Stuff First Ian

Big Brother Teaches Ian About Football

As you can see, Elliott felt the need to teach Ian about football before he joined the Notre Dame football watching crew this past Saturday.  At the end of the video, you will hear Elliott proclaim - "Golden Tate Baby".  Golden Tate is a star wide receiver for Notre Dame, that for some reason, Elliott has come to idolize.

Reunited

Katie and Ian returned yesterday to put a welcome end to the boys night out party for which Elliott and I had barely had time to set the ground rules.  I was sharing stories with a good friend yesterday about this week of party.  He and his wife would like to be parents someday soon (I pray that will happen because they would make great ones), so I felt obligated as an experienced father to forebode for him potential stories of his own daddy-hood. 

It was free-pass week for Elliott.  Being his 24 hour a day keeper, I kept my personal sanity in mind when choosing the strategy and timing of the battles I engaged in.  In fact, his illness was all the excuse I needed to remain just this side of the fence of total chaos.  When normally we are good about picking up the toys after we're done playing, I decided where they laid when he was done playing with them was as good a storage system as we needed this week.  Three days of this left FEMA workers lined up at the door begging to provide assistance, but as I said, it was disaster by plan which makes it of less national interest.  It's like a controlled burn.  The flames are often as large and damaging as a fire out of control, but there is far less panic in the eyes of the fire fighters.

I did discover a couple of things while attending this party.  One, had the party continued Elliott would have soon become the full-time party coordinator and would have assumed responsibility for all strategic planning.  Subtle signs of this transition were already posted throughout the house.  I had resorted to bribing Elliott with suckers to take his medicine ( a bit of strategy offered up by grandma Almond which I quickly incorporated into my battle plan).  The tactic worked like a charm.  Elliott would gag on his medicine, cry a little, then receive the comfort of a sucker and give me all the reassuring smiles I needed to prevent an anxiety attack before the next dose.  But Elliott decided to alter our methods.  During one particular medicine administration session, after I had given him his sucker, a brown one he called it, he handed it back to me and as annoying as only a two year old can do it, demanded a BLUE one.  I was so aggravated that I intentionally took the long way to get him his BLUE one.

I told my friend this story and he said "now if I had told you this scenario a couple of weeks ago, can you picture yourself getting Elliott the blue one".  "NO", I said.  But what you need to know, to completely understand the magnitude of 'free pass' week, if Elliott had handed me that brown sucker back and requested a rib eye steak, I would have asked him if he wanted a baked potato with it.  The summary of point one, mama and Ian arrived home just in time.

Point two.  I've shared this thought before but it is worth sharing again as it is so clear in my thoughts.  I knew my stint as a single father would be brief, which made it easier to do battle with such a doomed battle plan - at least in the interest of successful long term parenting.  I knew when the support troops arrived we would be able to change the plan and do so in time to avert any permanent scars.  But there are many single parents out there, mostly single mothers, who don't have the confidence that help is on the way.  And many of them have more than one child.  They go through this battle every day, realizing they can't have free-pass week without risking the welfare of their children.  I feel for their struggle.  I admire the commitment that many of them have to a game plan more productive than mine.

It is nice to have Katie and Ian home.  Yes, the support troops are great, but it is even better to see our sweet baby Ian back in this house and watching Elliott give mama and baby hugs, the likes of which only they receive.  Be sure to check out the photos of some of these hugs in Elliotts updated photo album. 

Quarantined

Elliott continues his penchant for making the first few weeks after birth challenging times.  He did it with his, and now he has made the first few days of Ian's life interesting.  I mentioned that Elliott had been troubled for some time by cold-like symptoms, mainly a nagging cough.  We had taken him to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and at that time he was put on an antibiotic, which didn't do the trick.  We took him back to the doctor on Monday and he was diagnosed with the following, in no particular order: Pink Eye, an early ear infection, bronchitis and a sinus infection.  The doctor said they may not all be related.  I'm not sure if it is more difficult to whip four separate illnesses or one that looks like four, so I didn't give that part of the diagnosis much thought.  I did however listen closely when he said it is all HIGHLY contagious and he should not be near a baby.

So on Monday afternoon, Katie and Ian left for grandma and grandpa's house while Elliott and I quarantined ourselves here, where we remain today.  It is not like we're living in a bubble, but it is like a dad trying to take care of a sick boy who has no desire for any of the treatments - eye drops three times a day that are hard to drop through eyelids that are bolted shut, breathing treatments with a nebulizer three times a day and an oral medicine twice a day that he tries to spit further each time I give it to him (the current record is the distance between his mouth and my shirt).

Katie continues to have soreness from her delivery, but is slowly getting better.  And the star of the show, Ian, as far as he is concerned the world outside is a much cozier place to take a nap.  Reading about this ordeal years from now may cause him to lose more sleep than our circumstances have cost him this week.  We are very grateful to have family around us to help us through the tough times.  And tough is relative.  When you read about the families facing the loss of their children to school collapses in Haiti, we aren't really having a tough time.  We pray that God will look after those families and we thank him that he has made all the provisions we need in ours to keep trucking along.

Sasquatch Is Smaller Than I Pictured

When the doctor warned us that the arrival of Ian would be the first coming of Sasquatch into our lives, I began to form pictures in my head of our baby dwarfing all other creatures in the Cartwright household . That's why it is so pleasantly surprising to marvel at just how tiny Ian really is. I had forgotten those days of picking Elliott up with a single hand, a task that today requires a small tractor or very loving grandparents who numb themselves to pain in the name of spoiling.

 Our tiny boy has spent most of his time in big sleep. Yesterday was one long slumber, save for the periodic awakening for a meal or two and a fresh diaper to house his unending urge to fill them. It is a cruel irony that one sign of a baby's clean bill of health is the accumulation of dirty diapers. Grandpa Almond was holding Ian yesterday when he felt the vibration in his hand that might as well trigger an alarm system that shouts with a loud annoying voice "Change Diaper - Change Diaper" until the task is complete. I immediately got Ian in a fresh diaper, sat down with him in my lap for a brief snuggle, and within seconds the alarm had been activated again. After this change, he gave me a little sigh of thanks, then escaped once again to dreamland.

 Grandma and grandpa Almond came up yesterday. Grandpa went to the annual "Train Day" celebration in town with Elliott and I. Grandma helped do some chores around the house and tend to mama and Ian. They took Elliott home with them last night to give us a bit of a break from double duty. Elliott has had a cold or something like it that has kept him congested for what seems like a year now. It has made it difficult for him to sleep the last week or so. Is it coincidence that his sleep troubles begin just as a partner arrives who needs frequent attention during the night, or is it just another display of God's sense of humor?

 Katie is beginning to feel a little better. She is able to get up and about more, but is still in some pain. Yet, through it all, she continues to hold the little man close and keep up with his many needs (she does kindly allow me to change a diaper or two). I am reminded again of the special bond that is created so early between mother and child. I often kid Elliott about being a mama's boy, to which he usually responds by hugging her all the tighter. But it is inevitable really that we all end up being a mama's boy or girl. Oh, I've had my fun turning Elliott into the "football player" he claims to be and I take great pride in making him a Notre Dame football fanatic (if they don't play better than they did last night at Boston College he may be the only one left in this house), but I see so much of Elliott's tender heart coming from those moments he spends with mom. And that is quite alright. We can only root for more of the same in Ian.

Make sure to check out the updated photos in Ian and Elliott's photo albums.

Twins - Born Just Over 23 Months Apart

 

                   BABY IAN                                                                        BABY ELLIOTT

Katie asked me yesterday if I had looked at any of Elliott's baby pictures to see if babies Ian and Elliott held any resemblance.  Frankly, it is difficult these days to look through Elliott's bounding gold locks to find a baby.  But when I dug through some of the old photos, I discovered we had given birth to twins.  Maybe not identical, but not nearly as distant as Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Ian made a successful journey home yesterday.  Elliott greeted him more like you would hope a loving big brother would, especially given the latest introductions were on Elliott's home turf, which he guards with the protective passion of a Pit Bull.  But on this first day home, E played more like a poodle than a watch dog.  It was slow going, but once he joined Ian on the couch he was a bundle of curiosity turned hugging machine.  We had to tame his enthusiasm as he pointed at each of Ian's body parts asking us "what's that?.  I can only guess to clarify that an ear is still and ear and a nose is still a nose even though they are attached to a creature barely a week old.  Once we had taken a little steam out of his jabs, he melted into a big hug right on top of Baby Ian.  Elliott is always quick to give you a hug if you ask, but these hugs just seemed to pour right out of his heart which melted me and his mom's.  (See the update to Ian's photo album)

We took Ian to his first "out of hospital" doctor visit today.  They indicated all looked fine and the weight that had been falling off to a small degree of concern had slammed on the breaks and begun to head in the right direction.  He had dropped down to 7lbs and 3ozs when we left the hospital yesterday, but was up 2 ounces today. This can only mean he is eating like a champ, his mama is feeding like a champ, and they are both sleeping like bears in the summer time.

I have a dear friend who has cautioned me about the math of adding a second child.  "Don't believe for a minute that 1+1 will equal two" she has said.  I know what she means now.  One and one equals 6 today and the answer is climbing.  But I have to say so are the blessings, which she also indicated.  We can feel God's strength and his wonder multiplying in our house with each baby cry and each bout of insecurity we have guide Elliott through.  We are truly grateful for his presence.  But I do request, Dear God, please keep the answer under 10!    

One More Day Til Ian Really Comes Home

We are all generally excited about bringing Ian home tomorrow.  Well - I am assuming that Elliott will have accepted Ian enough by then to be included in we and to have worked up at least some general excitement about the notion of having a brother. 

Elliott met Ian Monday afternoon.  If it had been a first date, there would have been no "will I see you again?", Elliott made it clear he wanted none of it.  In fairness to Elliott, he walked into a hospital for the very first time (at least that he remembers), his mama was laying in a hospital bed looking the part of someone only hours removed from major surgery, both sets of grandparents were there at the same time which he has seldom experienced, and then, there was this brand new creature in HIS mama's lap.  There was a lot of brand new at once, so it was hard to figure which component of the introduction staggered him to tears the most.

Yesterday it was apparent it was probably not Ian.  With the hospital setting not as new andmama on the recovering side of her ordeal, and most important probably, Ian resting in his bed and not HIS mama's lap, the second meeting went much better.  Gigi and Papa Hoss set Elliott up with gifts to bring mama and Ian, which meant more to Elliott than anybody, although the recipients were both very appreciative.  Elliott was more eager to look at and even touch Ian.  He was not readily affirming when asked if Ian can come home with us, but the day before he flat denied that request, so hesitancy was an upgrade.

I am sure his visit today will be a good setup for Ian joining our home tomorrow.  Ian continues to do well.  His bathroom habits have earned him an "advanced" rating from the nurses.  The more you go at this stage of the game the better off you are.  My how that changes.  When you get old they give you medicine if you go more than once in the middle of the night - which would seem to be a rating of "no longer advanced".

We are truly appreciative of all the prayers and good wishes from our family and friends.  They played a major role in the healthy arrival and continued growth of baby Ian.  Please say a small prayer that our transition home tomorrow goes as smoothly as possible - in other words - say a prayer for the E man.